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Don't put dirt on my grave just yet

Hello, non-existent Livejournal community. I spent the morning at a discussion of the gender pay gap as part of my job at a social justice-y non-profit and then as I was browsing my social media sites and getting a non-stop barrage of infuriating news about the many ways in which our glorious leader is destroying this country, I was like, "Is there nowhere I can hide from this shitshow?" Like I love you Twitter and Tumblr and Facebook and even Instagram (arty pictures of beautiful landscapes seem ominous because we're going to gut the EPA and cut environmental protections), but I need some space. And I realized Livejournal still exists and is not exactly teeming with people posting about current affairs. Or maybe it is and I just don't have any friends who still post here, but I will take what I can get, so I am here to shout into the empty space that is Livejournal about soap operas like I used to do during the previous administration. Nostalgia!

First up: Fun nighttime soaps! I recently started watching Nashville, because true story, Connie Britton is amazing. She and her fabulous hair went on all the talk shows to talk about how she left the show and she was so charming and pretty that I watched the episode where she left and I cried a ton over a show I had never seen before. I don't think the point of her press tour was 'start watching this show I just left!' but here we are. Let's discuss Nashville by first watching this video:

A) HOT. They look like they might stop singing and start making out right there on stage.
B) AWKWARD. They look like they might stop singing and start making out right there on stage. Is anyone in the audience like, "Hold up, what's happening now? Should we leave? This song is 100% about their weird issues right?" Maybe take your sad sex eyes and personal drama elsewhere? Just a thought.
C) I love how all the characters on this show, but especially these two, are super committed to singing sad ballads about their personal relationships - that they just wrote and arranged 5 minutes ago - in public venues. The pinnacle of this is when Rayna sings a depressing song about her and Deacon's current relationship status (relationship status: not together; staring intensely at each other 24/7) at Deacon's birthday party. Super weird, Rayna! Get a grip the both of you and take everything down a thousand notches. Dan Auerbach and Vince Gill were in attendance (never change, Nashville) and Dan Auerbach probably turned to Vince Gill like, "It's a birthday party, not a funeral?" and Vince Gill probably rolled his eyes and was like, "This is their THING. It happens constantly."
D) The songs on this show are fantastic, I've been listening to the season 1 and 2 soundtracks non-stop. There are great songs that are supposed to be great and they also do great bad songs, like there are some fantastic early-season 1 Juliette Barnes songs that are clearly supposed to be Carrie Underwood rejects. Though Carrie Underwood must be bitter a fictional singer sang Boys and Buses first, because that is better than anything she's ever done. Country music superstar Luke Wheeler (BEST NAME!) also has some great generic white dude country songs, though I don't know if those are purposefully not great or if I just don't like the real-life Luke Bryan-esque country music of the world. I'm more of a Sturgill Simpson country music fan.
E) I tried listening to the local country radio station this week and it was dire. They didn't play any classic Rayna Jaymes hits for one! Though while Rayna is great fun, her songs tend to be slightly boring and I still think the best song that's ever been done on this show is Nothing in This World Will Ever Break My Heart Again. Hayden Panettiere crushes it (she's so fantastic) and again, it's better than anything on current country radio. One of the songs on country radio is called 'Body like a Back Road' and I only know the title because it was so off-putting I needed to know as much about it as possible. No man on Nashville would ever sing lines like 'The way she fit in them blue jeans, she don't need no belt/But I can turn 'em inside out, I don't need no help' because they are all very sensitive and sad and I appreciate that. Like seriously, Will Lexington would never, not even when he was pretending to be straight, because he is a gem who deserves to be happy.
F) If I'm mostly focusing on season 1, it's because I'm several episodes into season 4 and while I still enjoy the show, the first season was the best. Connie Britton and her hair remain perfect. I love the characters and the acting is great, but the plots are wildy frustrating. From postpartum depression to homophobia in the country music industry to domestic violence, its become almost relentlessly depressing. Similarly, while I enjoy Deacon's Saddest Man in Nashville thing, it feels like Chip Esten has been crying since mid-way through season 3 and while he gives great, heartbreaking performances that have legit made me cry, I would be fine with Deacon being like 75% less weepy or you know, happy. And yes, I find that entire last sentence strange because I only know Chip Esten from Whose Line is it Anyway? where he seemed like a blandly pleasant, not very serious dude and now he's on a nighttime soap opera acting all tortured and broody (he's maybe the best crier on a show that also features Jonathan Jackson!) and making sad sex eyes at Connie Britton (maybe that's not hard though, I might be able to do it!). Seriously, this guy! I mostly linked to that so you too can fall down a Whose Line is it Anyway? youtube hole - so many good Colin Mochrie and Ryan Stiles compilations! I loved that show when it was originally on and I always forget it's back due to our need to resurrect everything ever. I haven't watched it since it returned, it would probably make me feel old.

Next up: Comparatively less fun daytime soaps! I'm currently semi-watching three of the four daytime soap operas. All four must be good though, since they were all nominated for Daytime Emmy Awards. I mostly watch The Young & The Restless for Jason Thompson, like if it's not a Jason Thompson-as-Billy plot, then I have no clue what's happening on that show. It's about competing multi-national fashion conglomerates headquartered in a small Wisconsin town? And they have a TMZ-like tabloid that reports on the lives of local citizens of said small Wisconsin town? And there's a 70-year-old German man who wears a leather jacket which doesn't strike me as young or restless?

Days of Our Lives has the opposite problem from Nashville in that it has terrible characters who do boring things. The plots are also bad, so maybe not the opposite problem from Nashville, just problems in general. Like Hope murdered Stefano for no reason other than that he was a villain (but also like 80 and in a wheelchair) and then when she went to jail for the crime she totally, 100%, not in self-defense, for no reason committed, everyone was kind of like, "The judicial system is broken and Lady Justice weeps in the face of such a travesty!" It was a smug nightmare. Then Stefano turned out to be alive or maybe not - who knows or cares - and she got out of jail. Crisis averted (boringly). Look, I've been watching this show since I was born basically and I want it to be good. I like liking it! I like Patch and Kayla! They don't do much, but I like them!

But, joy of joys, Ron Carlivati is going to be the new head writer of the show and he did amazing things with One Life to Live and made General Hospital fun before he was unceremoniously fired. I'm pretty sure this scene from his General Hospital tenure where Anna finds out Duke is really Faison in a Duke mask is one of the best soap opera scenes in recent history. I don't think Days has the level of talent that General Hospital does, like I mean obviously that scene is partly amazing because it's bonkers, but it's partly amazing because Finola Hughes is the greatest, and I think making General Hospital a better show maybe didn't require too many radical changes. I don't know how you make Days of Our Lives less boring and I'm not sure what I want from the show in general, but the best scene in the last year involved Caroline, who's 80-something and runs a full-service restaurant, walking all the way across town to yell at Deimos, Victor's evil brother, about how she was going to run him out of town. And Deimos, who was drinking champagne in another room while Caroline yelled threats at him and then left to walk back across town and re-open her restaurant, muttered evily to himself, "Dream on, bitch." It was glorious and I wanted to stand up and clap. Do I want people muttering 'dream on, bitch' to old ladies every day? No, but ocasionally it might be nice. Get on it, Ron Carlivati.

I'm also not sure how you make boring characters more interesting or not-so-great actors better and Days is losing some of their best actors/characters before his writing will even start - namely, Vincent Irizarry and Arianne Zucker who play Deimos and Nicole and are both absolutely great. Arianne Zucker who, by the way, you might recall from that leaked Access Hollywood video where the President talked about grabbing women by the pussy and then hugged her like a disgusting creep. You know, the video that doomed his presidential campaign because talking about assaulting women is morally unacceptable behavior? THAT VIDEO? Wait, Livejournal, you were supposed to distract me from this. Why did I even come here?! Ugh, everything is the worst. SHUT IT DOWN.
I was in New York City for the better part of last week. I didn't see the Empire State Building (which I keep wanting to call the Eiffel Tower, because I secretly wish I had gone to Paris), the 9/11 Memorial (#neverforget), or the Statue of Liberty (I saw it from the plane, does that count?), but I did see Jim Parsons and Raúl Esparza in plays and that's all that matters, right? RIGHT?

(photos courtesy of my instagram, please follow me!)

New York City is lovely, absolutely lovely, but there's a bit too much of it, I feel. Like, lets reduce it a little, maybe just Central Park and the Meatpacking District would be fine. Like not literally reduce it, I'm not an actual monster, but something to that effect. I hadn't been there in nearly twenty years (I'm very old as evidenced by the fact that I'm still posting on LiveJournal) and I am very, very tired from all the walking. Also, Times Square is a hellhole that I walked towards and then away from at a very fast pace. My co-workers kept asking if I was going to stand in the TKTS line and I was always like, "No, I'm not a peasant, I've bought very expensive tickets already." I just don't get Times Square or the TKTS line or New York City, really, but I'd like to get it someday. I'd like to go back every time a famous person I have a deep affection for is in a play (the only way this trip would have been more amazing is if Norbert Leo Butz had been in anything, a musical, a play, the Duane Reade on 57th and 6th, anything).

I reiterate, though, New York City is lovely. Did I mention I saw Raúl Esparza and he sang and danced and I wasn't expecting that, like I know he sings and dances, I'm obsessed with the man, I just didn't realize that Cymbeline was going to have singing and dancing. I was not prepared for Cymbeline in many ways - my dad and I even got lost in Central Park trying to get to the theater and we both blame the statue of Balto, not our poor map-reading skills. I entered the online lottery for Cymbeline tickets and I'm not going to lie, getting the email saying I had actually won tickets was quite possibly one of the greatest thrills of my life. The show was lovely, Central Park was lovely, and Raúl Esparza was, obviously, lovely.

Also, Jim Parsons needs to leave The Big Bang Theory because his talents are being wasted on that show and I enjoy that show. He's so good, you guys, SO GOOD!!! I wish TV was like professional sports and you could trade actors from one show to another and Jim Parsons could be traded to any show that is not The Big Bang Theory. I wouldn't care what it was, True Detective season 3, Bojack Horseman, American Ninja Warrior, whatfuckingever, he needs to go somewhere where he can be appreciated because he's SO GOOD!!! I bought a ridiculously expensive seat in the third row for An Act of God feat. Jim Parsons and I made my parents sit much farther back, because I'm a dick, but it was worth it (I paid for their tickets too even though I'm poor so don't worry about my parents, they had a very good time).

I also saw Fun Home and A Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time and they were both absolutely fantastic, they just didn't have Raúl Esparza or Jim Parsons (Michael Cerveris was amazing in Fun Home, but I'm not quite at 'watch everything on YouTube' levels of obsessed with him yet). They were both great, though! Support the theater! I'm very serious about that, I know I'm kind of glib and Raúl Esparza is very hot, but I genuinely love the theater whether it's in New York City or not. Yay, live theater!
You could watch Bloodline or you could stare at this picture of Kyle Chandler for 13 hours, either works.
(Alternatively, you could watch Norbert Leo Butz's 2011 Tony Award performance for 13 hours, because dude is fucking super talented)

I'll be honest: I watched Bloodline in 3 days and then I started watching it again. Some people like fantasy shows about befriending dragons, I like dramas about families with depressing secrets and good-looking faces. This show has everything I love:

1. Kyle Chandler
2. Broadway stars
3. Foreboding aerial shots of pretty scenery:

(bad things are going to happen!)
4. Copious drinking (clear eyes, full hearts, can't stop drinking Heineken)
5. Kyle Chandler's hair
6. This obnoxious headband/sunglasses combo:

The list goes on and generally involves Kyle Chandler. The first season was kind of like season one of Broadchurch, mostly because it was nearly perfect and I'm not sure that there needs to be a second season. And now there's going to be a third season of Broadchurch? I wasn't convinced re: a second season and I'm really not convinced there needs to be a third season. I love the show and I'll watch Olivia Colman and David Tennant do their thing for however long it goes on, but certain shows should just end while they're still interesting.

(There's an alternate version of this post that is just video after video of Norbert Leo Butz performances ranked on a scale of 1 to 'I'm not crying, you're crying'. It would have been semi-incoherent and gone on forever because he's perfect and I'm obsessed. Just do a youtube search for him and then watch all the videos multiple times and cry a lot and that's a fairly good approximation of my life/what that post would have been like)
The question on the front LiveJournal page was about nostalgia (and now it's about cartoons because I take months to write entries) and I was going to write an asinine response about something or the other (maybe like how they've cut No More out of the film version of Into the Woods and isn't that song kind of necessary to its larger themes and also, it's my everything, like Raúl Esparza sang it somewhere and I sighed dreamily and when is he going to be in an NBC live musical, he's already on half their shows, oh and also, FUCK YOU DISNEY, YOU'VE RUINED MY CHILDHOOD!), but I find that people who say things like, 'YOU'VE RUINED MY CHILDHOOD!' about adaptations of beloved pop culture stuffs to be overly dramatic nincompoops. Like one man's Boy Meets World is another man's treasure is possibly how that saying goes. No really, when did we collectively decide that Boy Meets World was a really good show? I was in the Boy Meets World target demographic and I watched it, but if any show from that time period was in dire need of an update, I feel like it wasn't that show. Get me the Disney Channel version of Homicide, stat!

How far into the new year is too far to discuss good tv and movies and music from last year? Lets find out together!

The 'We are Now Morally, Legally, and Spiritually Obligated to Discuss Taylor Swift' Section: Blank Space once played on one radio station and then I turned it to another station and they were also playing Blank Space and it wasn't even the end, it was the near the beginning and I nearly drove my car into a ditch. Then another time Blank Space was playing on one station, so I was like, "Fuck this!" and I turned it to another station and Shake It Off was playing and I was like, "Life is a cruel joke!" Seriously though, Blank Space a super great song, but there's something about it that I don't buy coming from Taylor Swift. Frankly, I don't believe she's young or reckless (similarly, do people really say that she stays out too late?). I know her album arrived with thinly-veiled Katy Perry shade that related to Taylor Swift being better at pop music than Katy possibly (I think? I heard about this on the radio, because I am so old and am over any Katy Perry/Taylor Swift feud). I'm just not sure that 'it's gonna be forever, or it's gonna go down in flames' is better, worse or even comparable to anything Katy Perry's team of songwriters has written. Those are basically the two main options for how a relationship ends, though, right? At the very least, Katy Perry's 'we're all plastic bags' warbling is an Academy Award-winning metaphor what with American Beauty having won Best Screenplay at the Oscars.

Best Marvel Movie of 2014: Guardians of the Galaxy. I watched it 3 times in 3 days. It reminded me so much of Star Wars, that I re-watched Star Wars. Hey, J.J. Abrams, don't ruin my childhood with your new Star Wars film.

Another Marvel Movie I Saw in 2014: Captain America: The Winter Soldier. I've not seen the first one, so I was confused. The Cap'n used to have a tiny body and now he can fall from great heights and not die? Just because you're a brainwashed assassin are you not allowed to wash your hair? Wikipedia says Black Widow has 'abnormally superior athletic condition' which, I mean, LeBron James probably has the same thing, but I wouldn't go as far as calling him a superhero, though if I lived in Cleveland I might? No really, lets pour one out for Sebastian Stan's hair. I sat there waiting for the scene where he goes to a nice barber and it never happened.

Weirdest, but Best, Adaptation of a Great Movie: Fargo. I just watched this and it is a strange Coen Brothers imitation yet it's somehow far more fantastic than it should be. It works for 10 episodes because it is so different from the original Fargo, but there's going to be a second season and that's weird. This is just going to be continuing series which borrows from the Coen Brothers both aesthetically and plot-wise? Based on the first season, I'm down for that, but it's just, well, weird. Six seasons and an Intolerable Cruelty homage! Also, the acting and casting in it is killer, but Glenn Howerton is especially good. I also recently watched all of The Mindy Project and he was super enjoyable there too, plus I re-watched "The High School Reunion" episodes of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia and man, Glenn Howerton is just demonstrating value all over the TV landscape, or at least all over Fox-related channels.

A TV Show that Got Better: American Idol. You guys, Harry Connick Jr. said telling people they're 'pitchy' is meaningless, so everybody stopped saying it! I mean, what's next, offering rational and thoughtful critiques based on extensive music knowledge? Stop making sense, Harry Connick Jr.! Some guy was like give me useful advice and in the past that would have been like, "Be yourself! Have fun! You go girl!" but Harry Connick Jr. is like, "I don't know, go talk to a piano teacher and discuss the entire history of music with them!" and I'm like, "You are funny and smart and talented, so why were you so terrible on Will & Grace?" I mean, if you can play the piano as well as he can, then there shouldn't be any need to be average on a sitcom. He's a HUGE dick, but in that way where it's like 'ugh, you are so attractive!' Also, Keith Urban remains adorable, Jennifer Lopez actually has valuable advice to give when she doesn't have to interact with Randy Jackson and Steven Tyler, and obviously, Harry Connick Jr. is a national treasure.

A TV Show I Still Watch: General Hospital. This has been a great year for General Hospital and a terrible year for Days of Our Lives. People are sort of sometimes facing the consequences of their actions on General Hospital, like Sonny went to jail and Michael hates him so he's naming every baby he can find AJ and it is amazing on every level. Meanwhile, on Days of Our Lives, E.J. cheated on Sami, so Sami became awful and a bunch of characters told her she was awful, but it had absolutely no effect on her and then she left the show. She even made up a fake affair between off-screen Kayla and off-screen Justin just so Justin's on-screen wife, Adrienne, would understand her pain, because Sami apparently doesn't get how empathy works since she is a garbage person. Not satisfying in the slightest. Also not satisfying was the fact that this fake off-screen affair was the most interesting thing either Kayla or Justin did last year.

My Favorite TV Show: There are so many good TV shows right now. Brooklyn Nine-Nine is possibly the best comedy on TV. Transparent is amazing but not the best comedy even though it won the Golden Globe, mostly because I don't think a show that made me cry on a regular basis should be considered a comedy, like even the credit sequence/theme song is melancholy. There's also Hannibal and True Detective and Veep and Orange is the New Black and blackish. But hands down, my favorite show is The Good Wife. I'm sure there are better shows, but there's no other show I find so enjoyable. This is a show that makes people frantically walking around hallways with computers seem exciting. It's frequently hilarious and has one of the best casts on TV right now. I honestly kind of hope it ends soon because it has been on such an amazing streak that I would hate to see it go on for too long and possibly take a nosedive in quality. Alicia Florrick is one of my favorite characters on TV and even on slightly off weeks, there's at least one moment where I'm like, 'OH SNAP!' so it's basically the best ever. She told someone 'zip up your pants, shut your mouth, and stop banging the help' and that someone was her husband, like how can anyone be more amazing?

Greatest Coaching Moment in College Football: Winning the first ever National Championship under the new playoff system was admittedly pretty great, but clearly Urban Meyer's greatest triumph came during the Sugar Bowl when he finally got rid of that pesky headset:
How far did that thing go? Did a lucky fan get to keep his headset? I think this happened on January 1st and it was the grand culmination of a season's worth of annoyed sidelines reactions! Fun fact: I was far more attracted to Kyle Chandler as Coach Taylor when he was pacing the sidelines furiously chewing gum than when he was giving heartfelt speeches. That episode where he gets kicked out of a game for arguing with the refs is like ultimate Coach Taylor for me. Urban Meyer is a real-life Coach Taylor is maybe my point. Also my point is that I was never a fan of the 'Friday Night Lights is about relationships, not football!' critics' mantra like, come on, it was a lot about football.

As far as things happening currently, Netflix is killing it between Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt and Bloodline (fake spoiler alert: Bloodline could be terrible, but Kyle Chandler is so terribly attractive that I would give it an A+ just based on his face) and I am very excited about Sam Smith coming to town because I stopped listening to new music after I started playing his album on repeat. I almost bought One Direction tickets just so that I could sell them to teenagers on the black market (sadly, not a lie) and now the attractive one has dropped out of the band, so I clearly am the winner here. It's okay, One Direction fans, I felt the same way about Steven Page leaving Barenaked Ladies, so I may be old, but I have experience with the most talented/attractive one leaving my favorite band.
I am here to calmly discuss the latest thing to drag me into a vicious cycle of watching one YouTube video and then watching every suggested video aka the reason I'm an insomniac.

I have been blasting Stay With Me by Sam Smith in my car all summer because it plays constantly on the radio, but only a couple days ago did I actually check out the rest of his album, In the Lonely Hour, and it is perfect. PERFECT! Did you see him on the VMA's? SO PERFECT! If you saw the VMA's, did you see that kid from 5 Seconds of Summer with his flannel shirt tied around his waist? Is that a style thing still, I totally don't think it's a style thing still. Not knowing if things are things is generally my reaction to the VMA's. I get why Sam Smith is a thing, though. That voice! That hair! That cover of How Will I Know! Like, dude is not reinventing any wheels here, but what an amazing, Beyoncé-loving wheel Sam Smith is. I'm not even going to get into how many times I've listened to I'm Not the Only One because it's a lot (I've listened to the entire album like ridiculous amounts of times though). I did sort of have a moment when I realized that he was born in the 90's and that shouldn't be possible ("how can an adult human have been born in the mid-90's?"). I hope the Google street view car I passed today got a picture of me with with my windows down, blasting Lay Me Down and making dramatic hand gestures.

I am falling down on the keeping up with the musics of today thing, because basically I've bought In the Lonely Hour and Singles by Future Islands this year and that's kind of it. They're both so good and I will have a terrible time choosing which one I like best at the end of the year. Future Islands came to town recently and played a show at 1 am in a bar during a fashion festival and I was like everything about that description sounds like the worst.

I will return to LiveJournal again with another installment of 'who's ruining my life now?' when I am obsessed with a new singer or actor or professional good-looking person. In the meantime, you can now validate my existence on Instagram!
The Normal Heart, you guys (I'm eschewing any sort of conversational opener here, like 'so the weather' or 'my new job is great, I pet cats all day, how is your life?' or 'sorry I haven't updated in awhile, what the fuck is happening with LiveJournal' because who cares, lets just jump into this). You guys, The Normal Heart. What a fantastic and tragic movie (tragitastic?). I was on vacation when it aired and I tried downloading it in our condo, but the Wi-Fi was absolutely terrible, which was actually maybe a blessing in disguise because I don't really think an AIDS drama would have been the best fit for the beach (I'm sorry for complaining about shoddy Wi-Fi in a discussion of The Normal Heart). I ended up watching it alone in the dark at like 2 am, because I knew my parents would want to watch it and I had to see it without them so that I could cry all over it the first time and then I'd be able to do the stoic robot thing the second time around (this is also what I did when I re-watched Doctor Who with them and got to "The Angels Take Manhattan"). It made me sad, but it was hopeful in a way, and kudos to Ryan Murphy because it was visually stunning.

I will be happy to see the entire cast win awards for it for like the next year. Everyone talks about how good Matt Bomer is and it's true, but Matt Bomer is also too good-looking. I don't mean like, "Matt Bomer is too good-looking, I can't get over it, I'm going to roll around on the floor with pictures of him" - mostly because I don't roll around on the floor with pictures of anyone - I mean, "Matt Bomer is too good-looking and therefore he's dead to me." Like he's so good-looking that it circles back around to me having no interest in Matt Bomer. Also, he's got a husband with a really fancy job or something and probably lots of good-looking children, so his life seems annoyingly perfect. Matt Bomer needs an eye patch and child support payments for me to relate to him.

So, yes, Matt Bomer was great and he's handsome and Mark Ruffalo was great and he's handsome and on and on, but I was surprised by how great and handsome Jim Parsons is. Basically everything he did made me cry, god, his eulogy speech was devastating, and I wasn't expecting that. I will admit it: I very much like The Big Bang Theory, but I marathoned maybe the first three seasons about four years ago and then I immediately stopped watching it on any sort of regular basis. When I originally watched it, I was very attracted to Johnny Galecki and DVR'd hours of Roseanne re-runs on Nick at Nite, so I never really thought about Jim Parsons before and I had certainly never seen him outside of The Big Bang Theory context. Or the constant Emmy-winning context and I don't begrudge anyone multiple Emmys, even Jon Cryer, because who cares, except constant Emmy-winning is boring, so even if Andy Samberg wins for the next three seasons of Brooklyn Nine-Nine, I'd probably sigh about it at some point (if I did sigh when Jim Parsons won last year, then I'm retroactively sorry). We also had a bad selection of cable channels on vacation (again, I'm sorry about complaining about cable choices while discussing The Normal Heart), and I mostly watched Seinfeld and The Big Bang Theory, so maybe that prepared me to like him, but man, he is, I kid you not, the most adorable man on the planet. I did not realize what a genuinely delightful and nice human being he is and I kind of can't get over it. He is almost too much, like how is it possible that he is that fantastic AND the star of a Chuck Lorre sitcom? (I cut Chuck Lorre the tiniest bit of slack for Two and a Half Men, simply because Cybil was one of my favorite shows in the 90s).

All my entries lately basically turn into tumblr posts at some point and this one will be no different because I need to discuss this Jim Parsons thing with videos. I still have a tumblr that I could post videos and the like on, but I feel like tumblr is for those young people who I don't understand and who are better at the internet that I am. I turned 29 last month and had to get a new prescription for my glasses, so I am clearly too old and blind for tumblr. I swear to christ, they sent me an email today all 'what are you even doing right now?' and I was literally at my desk like 'fuck you tumblr, I am not 13, I have an actual job I am supposed to be doing right now.' What are you even doing today, good god, calm down tumblr emails.

I could post a million videos of things like Jon Stewart appearing to be utterly charmed by what a nice person Jim Parsons is or Jim Parsons appearing to be utterly charmed by Giuliana Rancic's red carpet antics because he is clearly a nicer person than I or Jim Parsons being excited by life practically everywhere, but mostly when Conan O'Brien drives him and an audience member to The Big Bang Theory set. Forget all that, though. He's been on The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson something like 11 times and he and Craig together are great. I don't know how to pick just one interview, because they are all fantastic. In this one, Jim has words with Geoff Peterson, discusses House Hunters International, is so delighted to play a big cash prize game, and wins my heart by reciting an entire scene from The Simpsons.

Then there's this interview where Craig attempts to explain Doctor Who to him and it is everything and more.

I'll spare more embedding, but 2nd runner up is this interview in which he is basically just aggressively nice the entire time and jeez, my heart, I can't handle it. Not Craig Ferguson related, but there's also an hour and a half long SAG Foundation conversation with him in which he has interesting things to say about his theater work, admits he has never seen Star Trek, gets emotional about The Normal Heart, and is just generally nice and smart and good-looking and I'm going to say this as someone who just bought 6 seasons of The Big Bang Theory on Blu-Ray, though that was mostly because it was a deep discount I couldn't pass up, but for god's sake, FREE JIM PARSONS FROM THE BIG BANG THEORY! This man is clearly a national treasure and we should treat him better.

This entry really got away from me at some point. You guys, The Normal Heart. The Normal Heart, you guys.

"I'm sorry, was that in your opinion?"

James Scott is leaving Days of Our Lives! This is terrible news for me! Even though I can hardly blog about anything else, I barely watch Days of Our Lives anymore and what little Days of Our Lives I do watch is mostly James Scott as E.J. related. Perhaps this is actually good news for me as I can now stop watching this dumb show.

We'll always have that time that E.J. brainwashed Steve through the cunning use of a tarot card!

What a fun plot that was! What ramifications it had on current plot lines! jk nothing on this show matters, nothing relates to anything, everything is useless! I went through my Days of Our Lives tag and ages ago I said that Nick was adorable and not at all evil and haha, joke's on me, because now Nick is evil and not at all adorable! What good character development! (But I'm serious, I loved this tarot card mind manipulation plot, like I really don't think I'm asking for much from this stupid show, I LOVED TAROT CARD MIND MANIPULATION FOR FUCK'S SAKE, I LIKE ALMOST EVERYTHING).

We'll also have that extended time when all E.J. did was sexually assault and harass Sami!

HAHA AND NOW THEY ARE A SUPER POPULAR ROMANTIC COUPLE! Haha! James Scott is so good-looking, end of story! Like, not going to lie, I loved when E.J. was super evil and stalking Sami and shooting John and tarot card mind manipulating Steve, but none of this is the basis for a romantic love for the goddamn ages. A few months ago, Sami and E.J. yelled at each other for an entire episode until they both went literally hoarse and it was like, I know you guys have downgraded his rape to some really gross sexual manipulation, but at the least (the very fucking least!) stop yelling at each other for entire episodes in the interest of romance. I'm glad that they both were trying (they were legit hoarse ok!), but come on. I still hope that Sami and E.J. leave together and Sami remembers he was a race car driver so they get his race car out of the garage he's been storing it in and they drive off into the sunset and then the car flies into the air and everyone waves at them just like at the end of Grease. Perfect ending for a perfect couple. P.S. James Scott was super hot. Is hot. He hasn't died or anything.

I mean, once he and Sami leave, who even is left on this show? For that matter, what sets are even left on this show? If you have more than a bed in a windowless room, you know your character is going places. Kassie DePaiva, who played my girl Blair on One Life to Live, is coming on this summer as the new Eve Donovan, but like, I don't even think I care anymore. What will she do, aside from be hot and act circles around everybody? I'm still sad they cancelled online One Life to Live and I doubt that Days will use her as well as OLTL did. Unless they somehow make a play for Roger Howarth over at General Hospital and then try to recreate Blair/Todd but with dumb Days characters, which inevitably wouldn't work, but even so, I would still so be into that trainwreck. I just want more Blair and Todd! Roger Howarth is so good-looking that I think people believe he'd make a good romantic lead, but maybe he's actually terrible at that, except when it involves Kassie DePaiva? I don't know, but I'm just going to admit right now that I watched five years of his As the World Turns plot lines on YouTube last summer because I think he's so good-looking and I would not be surprised if someone had told him his character was secretly a narcoleptic as a joke, but he played it that way for the entire time he was on the show and people on set were constantly like, "IT WAS A JOKE!" and he was like, "I DON'T THINK IT WAS!" (It was a dark time in my life, thank you for letting me admit I spent an entire summer watching a single character's plots from a soap opera I never watched in my life on YouTube). None of this relates to James Scott, except in that I hope General Hospital casts him as someone.

Actual P.S. I got a new job! This is clearly not as important as James Scott leaving Days, but now I work at an animal shelter and dogs and cats listen to me better than little kids ever did, so fun!
Lets gab about TV, okay? At one point I was going to attempt to gab about Days of Our Lives, but it is hard to get excited about a show that regularly features a character carrying around a bag of shredded paper (INTRIGUING!), a character whose entire personality is "I have a pile of fake ID's!" (TELL ME MORE!), and two characters having a relationship crisis over the best way to balance a checkbook (SURREAL!). The days of our lives are very mundane and tedious the show seems to be arguing now. Besides, The Good Wife season 5 is the best thing on TV.

It is weird to discuss The Good Wife for the first time after [BIG SPOILER] happened, but I was going to originally talk about it a couple months ago after I watched all 100+ episodes in about three weeks, you know, before [BIG SPOILER] happened. There could be a lesson to be learned here about being a better updater, but I don't like to learn lessons. It is also weird to proclaim that this is the most goddamn delightful show on television since [BIG SPOILER] wasn't exactly goddamn delightful, but it's true, this is the most goddamn delightful show on TV. I enjoyed [BIG SPOILER] more than many people apparently did, but it is a known fact that I'm a bit of a jerk. Still, this is the best show on network TV and probably the best show on non-network TV too, like lets stop being assholes about the distinction between network and non-network TV as if only fancypants amazing shows are on networks like HBO, AMC, or Cloo. I'm pretty sure Entourage is no better than Dads.

But, seriously, what a fun show and what a stacked cast. Christine Baranski is a national treasure, Alan Cumming has a fantastic outraged face, Josh Charles makes playing a ridiculous person seem easy, Archie Panjabi and Matt Czuchry are super hot, and that's not even getting into the guest stars (Michael J. Fox! Martha Plimpton! Peter Bogdanovich!). Then there's Julianna Margulies, who deserves all the awards for everything she does, but mostly for this:


Alicia Florrick for president of the world! The Good Wife for Outstanding Comedy Series at the Emmys! [BIG SPOILER] for who even cares anymore, this show is always amazing.

Hannibal (which I also just watched all of in a week) also is an amazing network TV show, though I deduct a couple of points from it since I can't bear to watch a lot of the 'I built a beehive in yr brain!' murder-of-the-week nonsense. It's a very close second behind The Good Wife, though. They both do great, interesting things with the whole procedural format and Hannibal in particular has the most amazing cinematography and seriously, would it even be as good as it is if Mads Mikkelsen wasn't making cannibal puns in under-lit, intricately designed rooms? Though I do think that The Good Wife has a way more interesting visual style than, say, Law & Order: Special fucking Victims Unit (which I have grown to resent, because it is terrible, yet I can't stop watching it). I adore The Good Wife's long tracking shots set to classical music, like get out, long tracking shots are the best (that True Detective 6-minute tracking shot was like an early birthday present). But even when I can't look at the weird dead bodies on Hannibal, I know they look amazing and are probably symbolic of something. I'm not sure why anyone would even still be living in the greater Baltimore area if human cellos and dead people trees are constantly being found, but whatever ("Hey, honey, some guy was making a human mural!" "That's it, I'm calling a realtor!").

Talking about cinematography and mise-en-scene is fun and all, but even if Hannibal looked like Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, I would still be watching it, because lets be real, Raúl Esparza continues to ruin my life and my sleep schedule by being amazing. This whole entry has obviously been leading to this video (this is my design etc. etc. ad infinitum):

Do you see?! DO YOU SEE?! This is my new everything and I'm going to watch it forever and forever.

Eyes closed, head first, can't lose

Are we all in agreement that obsessing over that Future Islands performance on David Letterman is the only thing we should collectively be doing at the moment? I want to live in this video forever. Like, I think David Letterman can just stop booking bands because these guys won the most amazing performance on David Letterman award that no one was aware even existed before they played (I'm being hyperbolic obviously, but at the same exact time, no I'm not, not even in the slightest).

Here's how into this I am: I posted this on Facebook. FUCKING FACEBOOK YOU GUYS! I haven't posted on Facebook in ages! I remember when it was 2004 and it was called The Facebook and you had to have some sort of .edu email address to even get a The Facebook account and the Winklevoss twins competed in the Henley Royal Regatta, but lost which was a metaphor for how Mark Zuckerberg screwed them over and it was all delightful (lets also discuss how the Henley Royal Regatta scene from The Social Network is one of my favorite film scenes of all time, like I would have rioted if The Social Network hadn't won the best film editing Oscar purely based on how on-point the editing in that scene was). Now all your conservative relatives are on Facebook writing things like, "lololol you guys, i'm pretty sure obama is racist smh!" and posting articles about Christian values on Dancing with the Stars. If I want to connect with you, I'll come visit at Christmas and attempt to steer the conversation clear of politics. And if that wasn't bad enough, I absolutely do not care about your impending nuptials, person I haven't talked to since high school, though if I did, I would not need daily updates (but I hope you have a happy life and good luck!!!!!!!). And I know we're now trying to reconfigure the selfie as some sort of means of self-empowerment, which fine, go for it, have so much fun, I give up, but maybe keep some of your selfies in a folder on your computer, because you have posted so many in the past week.

Long story short, this is Facebook-worthy.

Anyway, this song is off their album, Singles, which was released on Tuesday and quite frankly, it's the best thing I've heard in ages. I can't stop listening to it; it is mesmerizing.

Objection! Argumentative and ridiculous!

good news everyone exclamation point this raúl esparza thing is fast becoming a full-on situation stop i have lost the ability to use proper english stop my capital letters have disappeared too stop both can probably be found in the depths of youtube along with whatever i did with my life before swooning all night every night over raúl esparza singing and talking and being handsome like some sort of singing, talking, handsome person stop

NO SERIOUSLY STOP IMMEDIATELY I CAN'T HANDLE IT! I haven't taken Spanish since high school, yet I have watched this so many times because of foreign language hotness. Maybe I will magically understand it eventually; maybe I will just constantly sigh over all the lovely Spanish-singing. ¡ESTA ES UNA PROBLEMA (JESÚS TAKE LA WHEEL)! He is supposed to be doing some Spanish-talking on tonight's episode of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit and also it's their ripped-from-the-Anthony-Weiner-headlines episode! What a terrible, amazing show I'm sure it will be. I really wish SVU would just do a musical episode already - they cast so many Broadway stars that it's kind of a tease that no one ever sings. I would also accept some light choreography.

Now I really must get back to contemplating watching Company for the fifth time in like the past week (I've honestly not done much else aside from watch musicals since I last updated about musicals, sorry!). No joke, he's absolutely fantastic in it. What a ridiculously talented life-ruiner.


unicorns! doing! it!
wood detective

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