wood detective (cromulent) wrote,
wood detective
cromulent

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Why do robots keep getting in the way of my dreams?

The question on the front LiveJournal page was about nostalgia (and now it's about cartoons because I take months to write entries) and I was going to write an asinine response about something or the other (maybe like how they've cut No More out of the film version of Into the Woods and isn't that song kind of necessary to its larger themes and also, it's my everything, like Raúl Esparza sang it somewhere and I sighed dreamily and when is he going to be in an NBC live musical, he's already on half their shows, oh and also, FUCK YOU DISNEY, YOU'VE RUINED MY CHILDHOOD!), but I find that people who say things like, 'YOU'VE RUINED MY CHILDHOOD!' about adaptations of beloved pop culture stuffs to be overly dramatic nincompoops. Like one man's Boy Meets World is another man's treasure is possibly how that saying goes. No really, when did we collectively decide that Boy Meets World was a really good show? I was in the Boy Meets World target demographic and I watched it, but if any show from that time period was in dire need of an update, I feel like it wasn't that show. Get me the Disney Channel version of Homicide, stat!

How far into the new year is too far to discuss good tv and movies and music from last year? Lets find out together!

The 'We are Now Morally, Legally, and Spiritually Obligated to Discuss Taylor Swift' Section: Blank Space once played on one radio station and then I turned it to another station and they were also playing Blank Space and it wasn't even the end, it was the near the beginning and I nearly drove my car into a ditch. Then another time Blank Space was playing on one station, so I was like, "Fuck this!" and I turned it to another station and Shake It Off was playing and I was like, "Life is a cruel joke!" Seriously though, Blank Space a super great song, but there's something about it that I don't buy coming from Taylor Swift. Frankly, I don't believe she's young or reckless (similarly, do people really say that she stays out too late?). I know her album arrived with thinly-veiled Katy Perry shade that related to Taylor Swift being better at pop music than Katy possibly (I think? I heard about this on the radio, because I am so old and am over any Katy Perry/Taylor Swift feud). I'm just not sure that 'it's gonna be forever, or it's gonna go down in flames' is better, worse or even comparable to anything Katy Perry's team of songwriters has written. Those are basically the two main options for how a relationship ends, though, right? At the very least, Katy Perry's 'we're all plastic bags' warbling is an Academy Award-winning metaphor what with American Beauty having won Best Screenplay at the Oscars.

Best Marvel Movie of 2014: Guardians of the Galaxy. I watched it 3 times in 3 days. It reminded me so much of Star Wars, that I re-watched Star Wars. Hey, J.J. Abrams, don't ruin my childhood with your new Star Wars film.

Another Marvel Movie I Saw in 2014: Captain America: The Winter Soldier. I've not seen the first one, so I was confused. The Cap'n used to have a tiny body and now he can fall from great heights and not die? Just because you're a brainwashed assassin are you not allowed to wash your hair? Wikipedia says Black Widow has 'abnormally superior athletic condition' which, I mean, LeBron James probably has the same thing, but I wouldn't go as far as calling him a superhero, though if I lived in Cleveland I might? No really, lets pour one out for Sebastian Stan's hair. I sat there waiting for the scene where he goes to a nice barber and it never happened.

Weirdest, but Best, Adaptation of a Great Movie: Fargo. I just watched this and it is a strange Coen Brothers imitation yet it's somehow far more fantastic than it should be. It works for 10 episodes because it is so different from the original Fargo, but there's going to be a second season and that's weird. This is just going to be continuing series which borrows from the Coen Brothers both aesthetically and plot-wise? Based on the first season, I'm down for that, but it's just, well, weird. Six seasons and an Intolerable Cruelty homage! Also, the acting and casting in it is killer, but Glenn Howerton is especially good. I also recently watched all of The Mindy Project and he was super enjoyable there too, plus I re-watched "The High School Reunion" episodes of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia and man, Glenn Howerton is just demonstrating value all over the TV landscape, or at least all over Fox-related channels.

A TV Show that Got Better: American Idol. You guys, Harry Connick Jr. said telling people they're 'pitchy' is meaningless, so everybody stopped saying it! I mean, what's next, offering rational and thoughtful critiques based on extensive music knowledge? Stop making sense, Harry Connick Jr.! Some guy was like give me useful advice and in the past that would have been like, "Be yourself! Have fun! You go girl!" but Harry Connick Jr. is like, "I don't know, go talk to a piano teacher and discuss the entire history of music with them!" and I'm like, "You are funny and smart and talented, so why were you so terrible on Will & Grace?" I mean, if you can play the piano as well as he can, then there shouldn't be any need to be average on a sitcom. He's a HUGE dick, but in that way where it's like 'ugh, you are so attractive!' Also, Keith Urban remains adorable, Jennifer Lopez actually has valuable advice to give when she doesn't have to interact with Randy Jackson and Steven Tyler, and obviously, Harry Connick Jr. is a national treasure.

A TV Show I Still Watch: General Hospital. This has been a great year for General Hospital and a terrible year for Days of Our Lives. People are sort of sometimes facing the consequences of their actions on General Hospital, like Sonny went to jail and Michael hates him so he's naming every baby he can find AJ and it is amazing on every level. Meanwhile, on Days of Our Lives, E.J. cheated on Sami, so Sami became awful and a bunch of characters told her she was awful, but it had absolutely no effect on her and then she left the show. She even made up a fake affair between off-screen Kayla and off-screen Justin just so Justin's on-screen wife, Adrienne, would understand her pain, because Sami apparently doesn't get how empathy works since she is a garbage person. Not satisfying in the slightest. Also not satisfying was the fact that this fake off-screen affair was the most interesting thing either Kayla or Justin did last year.

My Favorite TV Show: There are so many good TV shows right now. Brooklyn Nine-Nine is possibly the best comedy on TV. Transparent is amazing but not the best comedy even though it won the Golden Globe, mostly because I don't think a show that made me cry on a regular basis should be considered a comedy, like even the credit sequence/theme song is melancholy. There's also Hannibal and True Detective and Veep and Orange is the New Black and blackish. But hands down, my favorite show is The Good Wife. I'm sure there are better shows, but there's no other show I find so enjoyable. This is a show that makes people frantically walking around hallways with computers seem exciting. It's frequently hilarious and has one of the best casts on TV right now. I honestly kind of hope it ends soon because it has been on such an amazing streak that I would hate to see it go on for too long and possibly take a nosedive in quality. Alicia Florrick is one of my favorite characters on TV and even on slightly off weeks, there's at least one moment where I'm like, 'OH SNAP!' so it's basically the best ever. She told someone 'zip up your pants, shut your mouth, and stop banging the help' and that someone was her husband, like how can anyone be more amazing?

Greatest Coaching Moment in College Football: Winning the first ever National Championship under the new playoff system was admittedly pretty great, but clearly Urban Meyer's greatest triumph came during the Sugar Bowl when he finally got rid of that pesky headset:
urban-meyer-threw-his-headset-during-the-sugar-bowl
How far did that thing go? Did a lucky fan get to keep his headset? I think this happened on January 1st and it was the grand culmination of a season's worth of annoyed sidelines reactions! Fun fact: I was far more attracted to Kyle Chandler as Coach Taylor when he was pacing the sidelines furiously chewing gum than when he was giving heartfelt speeches. That episode where he gets kicked out of a game for arguing with the refs is like ultimate Coach Taylor for me. Urban Meyer is a real-life Coach Taylor is maybe my point. Also my point is that I was never a fan of the 'Friday Night Lights is about relationships, not football!' critics' mantra like, come on, it was a lot about football.

As far as things happening currently, Netflix is killing it between Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt and Bloodline (fake spoiler alert: Bloodline could be terrible, but Kyle Chandler is so terribly attractive that I would give it an A+ just based on his face) and I am very excited about Sam Smith coming to town because I stopped listening to new music after I started playing his album on repeat. I almost bought One Direction tickets just so that I could sell them to teenagers on the black market (sadly, not a lie) and now the attractive one has dropped out of the band, so I clearly am the winner here. It's okay, One Direction fans, I felt the same way about Steven Page leaving Barenaked Ladies, so I may be old, but I have experience with the most talented/attractive one leaving my favorite band.
Tags: so many things
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