I drunkenly filled out an American Idol Fox survey in which I described Ryan Seacrest as cold and mean and basically said Keith Urban is a super fox. Robotic was not an available adjective to describe anyone on the show or else I would have added that to my assessment of Ryan. But Keith Urban says lovely things to people in his lovely accent and I do not at all buy his whole I'm a legit country singer thing because HAHA Keith Urban you are not a legit country singer, you are an adorable human being. Congratulations on being married to Nicole Kidman. Notice how I have not mentioned any of the singers (also notice how I am slightly drunk), because they are all super boring. They sing boring ballads and want to be some weird Celine Dion/Dionne Warwick amalgamation and American Idol still has not contacted me regarding my awesome Twitter suggestion for a 1970's New York City punk night even though they explicitly asked for theme night suggestions via Twitter! That was a legitimate suggestion, American Idol! Make one of these damn girls sing a Patti Smith song for christ's sake! Jesus take all the wheels!
Can we talk about the online One Life to Live? Obviously, we can, as I'm the one talking about it, but shut up. This looks amazing! I'm not even going to get into how many times I've watched this dumb promo:
The definition of amazing is subject to interpretation, but I'm pretty sure this is amazing. It's coming back! Even though it's an internet venture, I'm pretty sure it looks like it has better sets than Days of Our Lives. Fucking Viki and Dorian! That kid from High School Musical! David Vickers! Weird peanut butter sex! Lots of dancing! I'm totally burying the lede, because obviously I'm most excited about Todd giving Blair a flower! AW! Clearly she should totally forgive him for being an all around dickhead and kidnapping her boyfriend and framing him for a crime Todd committed because FLOWER! What a romantic gesture.
I am sort of more excited about this show coming back then I am about the return of Arrested Development. I hereby make confetti out of all of my 'I'm a hip young person' cards.