wood detective (cromulent) wrote,
wood detective

“Cute? He’s the reason faces were invented!”

I was concerned that the return of One Life to Live last week in Hulu-form would be disappointing. That even though they jettisoned, or at least have not as of now brought back, many of my least favorite characters, it would end up being a mess of some sort. But all my fears were put to rest after watching Monday's episode, because this show is clearly just as amazing as ever based solely on this:

death list

GREAT CAESAR'S GHOST, NEVER LEAVE AGAIN ONE LIFE TO LIVE! Fake Todd settled on poison and then the even more specific poison, Arsenic, in order to kill Real Todd, though I think freezing or bare hands would have been fun too. Real Todd is now hilariously running around town with ominous background music accompanying him while he is slowly poisoned by arsenic. My second favorite thing so far was the collective whatever when Fake Todd (he has a real name, but never mind, they're identical twins with different faces) returned from the actual dead, like "It's nice you aren't dead, but look at the time! I have stuff to do!" Fake Todd didn't even seem all that interested in his own return and I'm super excited for Fake Todd and Real Todd to engage in epic blank staring showdowns. They can argue about whether a year and a half or eight years of being held hostage/tortured is worse, it'll be great. No, it will actually be great, because this show is great, go watch it on Hulu for free!

I tried watching online All My Children out of support for soap operas, but I don't love it the way I love One Life to Live. It's good, but does it have amazing show ending montages set to I Got You Babe by Sonny and Cher? Probably not, no. Does it have Corbin Bleu from High School Musical which I still think is a big get because I watch all the High School Musical movies at least twice a week at work? Definitely not. Does it have a restaurant/nightclub where young kids overdose on Oxycontin and awkwardly dance to real-life DJ's I've never heard of? Who knows, I doubt it! Does it have an opening credit sequence where there is even more awkward dancing to a song that Snoop Lion wrote? If you guessed no, you guessed right! Does it have Blair and Real Todd being amazing and so super hot together that I don't care about blank staring because they are both super attractive? NO NEVER HOW COULD IT! Sidebar discussion: The guy who plays Real Todd is maybe leaving the show to definitely return to General Hospital as a new character and as such he seems to have gotten a really terrible haircut in the interest of not confusing people who just saw him on General Hospital as Real Todd less than two months ago. Because if an actor playing a different character is confusing (it's not), then a different haircut will solve everything (it won't)! I may have mentioned that I'm deeply attracted to the guy who plays Real Todd's face (I'm deeply attracted to his face), but I have a more complicated relationship with his hair, because I think that somehow the dumber his haircut is the worse he gets at acting. And he's had such nice hair for like a year!

But getting worse at acting is all relative and the occasional blank staring is no match for whatever is going on with Drake Hogestyn over at Days of Our Lives, who has never been a good actor, but on the other hand has never been as strange an actor as he has been lately. There was an entire scene in which he appeared to be slowly falling over for no apparent reason:
That's certainly an acting choice, I guess. I don't know if this cap properly conveys how fantastically absurd this scene was, because he was nearly lying down in a booth while talking to someone who was standing up and it felt like they had to use a weird camera angle just to film him. I loved it and it was great, confusing fun, but it certainly wasn't an achievement in acting.

I know I basically wrote about these two things the last time I updated, but I haven't seen any good movies in ages, I haven't bought any good albums recently, I don't start my last semester of college for about a month, and my job is still watching kids while their parents shop and/or drink wine. I feel like I've titled many of my recent posts with Bob's Burgers quotes but never talked about it. It's one of my favorite shows on TV right now. The end.
Tags: tv: days of our lives, tv: one life to live
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